I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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