It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
