i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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