remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
