Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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