Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
