I'm really into asian looking animals
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
