If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will be naked everywhere
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize