Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
