Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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