btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
