4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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