This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
