I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
