you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
