biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
