you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
