apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize