he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
