I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
