do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
