Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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