Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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