At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
