The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As shirtless as possible
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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