He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
