Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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