ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
