I'm laying in your front yard are you home
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
