He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My vagina just clenched in fear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
