Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
