I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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