Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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