You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
