Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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