my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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