He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
