Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
