i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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