Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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