just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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