Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize