I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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