Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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