I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Houston, we have a blender
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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