Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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