I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
