He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize