it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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