dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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