I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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