I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
