I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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