Porn is love you can see.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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