cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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