I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
