So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
