How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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